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stephanierae

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12/7/09 11:40 am - Here.

I stood here the last time I remembered you, here. Perched on the backs of worker ants beneath you in a box your body floated away. Top falling over the only part of me I knew floats off with you. Dry heaving to the porcelain gods festering in my new found vunerability I question the value of my own life.
You didnt mean it, I know, You didnt think it would be forever, I know. You didnt think, I know.
I stood there the last ime I remembered you- at the end of a tunnel. On one side a sea of wavering will powers above a man made ocean, the other a part of my life that has ceased so abruptly to exist. The living run one hand across a smooth silver surface the other covering a look of utter confusion, terror, loss, anger, worthlessness.. the group pours like the falls into a hall as some sory of retriet.
My ankels snap, my knees bend backwards, my pelvis shatters, my ribcage breaks open and my heart stops. Time freezes. My life changes forever before my eyes. Helpless to stop it, sceaming at the top of my lungs with no one to listen, I watch everything that could have been be put to rest in that box next to you.

15.06.09

11/4/09 11:40 am - The Aventures of Mister Percy Toast.

I want the world to end immediately. 
Current Music: Passion Pit
Current Mood: FUCKTHIS.

10/13/09 02:39 am - The Adventures of Mister Percy Toast.



Saw Whip It today with my best friends. I have to say, my expectations were way too high, I dont know whay I thought Drew Barymore would deliver such a beautiful peice of art... but it was alright. Super cliche though, super cliche. Ellen Page is still so adorable it just makes me want to rip my skin off. So thats AWESOME. Juliet Lewis was kind of the best thing ever.

10/5/09 11:08 pm - The Adventures of Mister Percy Toast.

"You know... shit gets wild and crazy, and it up and fucks ya for no reason."
-DARWIN TREMOR.

9/28/09 08:24 pm - The Adventures of Mister Percy Toast.

Exponentially divided, vividly decaying. Our short lives, previously completely in tune with every parallel universe, are now only shattered remains. Millions of poor pathetic regretful moments of our memory cover what we once loved. A dark shadow, the shape of a man, a hallow sound from my chest. Nothing is the same.

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7/5/09 05:23 pm - The Adventures of Mister Percie Toast.

To day severl good things have happened already :

1. The toy I got in my happy meal is SO cool.
2. I didnt have to wait at any stop lights to cross the street one time.
3. I got to listen to my favorite part of Phantom limb with out having to fast forward it at all.

Hopefully the rest of the dy will carry on in this manner. Later werer having a fire in the pit and a whole lot of vodka. So that should be nice. I hope everyone is having a happy summer so far. Id like to hear about them ( :




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Current Music: Kings of Leon

6/30/09 10:50 am - The Adventures of Mister Percie Toast.


Good day everyone!
I have not been writting consistantly and this upsets me. But I have two good excuses.
One: Its summer.
Two: I've been working on a book.

I popsted the beginging on facebook. I would really enjoy it if you'd be a doll and read it. Tell me what you think. Please & thank you. You have to remember that it is the very first rough rough draft. I have A LOT of work to do on this bitch. And its a tad innapropriate, so watch out.

I hope you all have a beautiful day.

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xoxo, steven.

Current Music: Regina Spektor

6/29/09 11:07 pm

"This feels like the first time I've ever seen felt anything in my entire life. IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I feel like I have to make everything up as I go. Isnt it weird how we do that anyway ? All day everyday. Hm." 05.30.09

"I cant believe my room. My bedroom. I can not for the life of me understand why there would ever be a room, a bedroom, right in the center of the entire house. Fucking really with this song right now ? Really Jenny Own Youngs ? Is my ass bodacious ? Wow, my arms feel like they are going to fall off. My mood has completly changed since the begining of this song, I feel like I have been sitting here for years !" 05.30.09




xo !
 
Current Music: New York Dolls

5/28/09 07:40 pm - The Adventures of Mister Percie Toast.


"you know whats weird? When everything but your actions moves in slow motion. Its so weird. Its also weird that my wrists look completly different when I'm high."
05.26.09


"In my dream last night I was texting a friend and my phone suddenly morphed into a rather large computer and I harnesed the power to jump into the screen. Like in Fairley Odd Parents, when timmy gets on the online highway... or whatever. And I became the cursor, I was able to do all kinds of good shit. WOW. Sara is fieling her nails so loudly right now. Shit!! Is kelsey sleeping?"
05.27.09

"This is the most intense display of motherhood I have ever seen. The woman is able to carry on an engaged conversation while having a debate with her daughter over what to go get for dinner tonight. Amazing."
05.28.09


xoxo, Stevenie.........
Current Music: April March

5/27/09 10:14 pm - The Adventures of Mister Percie Toast.

Wow, it feels like its been way too long since I've written. Memorial weekend was certinly one of stupid drunken decisions. Saturday was the wort, decision wise. But I had SO much fun. Then on monday I traveled to Harrahs with Eddie (brother) Adam (other brother, kinda) Kelsey, and my mom. We deffinetly got down celebrating my mothers day of birth this year.

Lately I feel like nothing is really happenein. I feel like I'm imagening everything. Its really... I dont like it.
I've been thinking way too much about everything. And these feelings. Well they can suck it.



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5/19/09 07:17 pm - The Adventures of Mister Percie Toast.

   This day, like many others, has been terribly boring.
   The last few days have been rather terrible actually. Last night was the absolute worst. I wish I knew how to control my emotions or handel myself in any way at all. I'm so done being who I am I just dont know how to change. Whenever I start to and I think things are going well I get... I dont even know the word. I'm just sick of feeling this way and keeping secrets from everyone who is important to me. I simply dont know what to do with myself.

xo
Stephanie Rae
Current Music: The Format

5/16/09 07:13 am

   Hello live journalers.
  
   Yesterday was lovely. I got out of school really early, before 11:00a.m, and I came home and talked with Tinas daughter Amy for a while. then out, then over to Kelsey's. We went swimming and I aquired about three new tan lines. Why? Why are are American Apparel swim suits so weird? I wish I coudl lay out naked in public... Anway, when I got home I watched School of Rock and The Emperor's New Groove. Come on you know you love both of those movies. I also worked on a lot of music. I went o bed super early because my brothers and my mother and myself are going to the swap meet today ! Hopefully I can find somesuitable things.

   Later tonight the Biffelsons and Kelsey may come over for a pajama party. I really need this to happen.
Wish me luck at the swap meet !


   xoxo,
   Stephanie Rae.
Current Music: Architecture in Helsinki

5/14/09 08:32 pm - The Adventures of Mister Percie Toast.


   Today has been rather interesting. I've felf very strange all day. The things I have been thinking are very strange.
   When I was at Kelsey's we watched Prom Night (Not my choice) and near the end her and Sara started talking about how weird they think it is when people who are obsessed usually kill who theyre obsessed with. ie- John Lennon. And I didnt think it was really weird. I personally would never kill anyone anyway. I just... I cant really explain what I'm tring to say, I didnt understand it I just dont think its weird...

   Then when I came home I was having the most random thoughts. You know that game where some one else says a word and you say the first word that comes to your head? It was kind of like that. SO I wrote down ever word that came into my head as fast as I could for a few second. This is what I ended up with:

Mary Popins
Brown cow
suckle tile
Jimmi Hendrix
red wood
strangled
threesome
greek mythology
& the muppets.

   Hahahaha, thats kind of ridiculous, threesome? Really Stephanie? Really?



   Anyway, Tina's daughter, Amy, is here from Texas for her friends graduation and to get a boob job. Apparently she is staying for a few weeks. And her mother is coming like next week. I am not pleased, there will be far too many people in my house. ut on the plus side I think I'm going to the swap meet Saturday and Sunday with my mom and Eddie. I'm excited, I always find lovely things there.

Until tomorrow friends, xo.

Current Music: The Dresden Dolls

5/13/09 04:50 pm - The Adventures of Mister Percie Toast.


   Hello again all.
   I would like to give you a small update on "operation reinvent my life" It's going very well. My room is being worked on a lot and when its done I will allow people to be in there alone and play Nine In The Afternoon as loud as my stero will let me. It will be an experience. This is fer damn sure.

   We talked about population again in earth science today. I am so scared for the future of this planet. We are going to run out and I dont even know if I'll be alive for it, god I hope not... and there isnt even anything to be done about it. Humans are going to reproduce like mother fucking bunnys no matter what (no pun intended) Its just so.. frustrating. Other than that school was alright today. Except for that little shit in my math class who is ALWAYS talking with his stupid annoying voice. I really with he would drop out and die.

   Plans were made today for my mothers birthday party! Were going up to Harrahs on memorial day and having a party in the room and coming back the 26th. Its going to be great. I am going to get her a bottel of delicious wine that she will love. Shell enjoy this more than any other gift I could possibly get her. If you knew my mother, you would understand.

   And now some lyrics to ponder:
   Last night, where the road had started
And last night, when my hands were choking you
Last night, when the room and your mood was dipping
And last night when the ropes were pulling you in... You said,
"hey, how could you love me this way?"
You said, "hey, i think we're all ready..."




Good day to you all.

Current Music: Spring Awakening.

5/11/09 02:35 pm - The Adventures of Mister Percie Toast.


   Today in earth science we took notes on population/humans' impact on the land and it deeply disturbed me. In 1950 there were 21 human beings per square kilometer and in 2025 there will be 67 humans per square kilometer. That is absolutly disgusting to me. And there are 250,000 people added to the earth each day. Does everyone understand that were going to run out of everything if we keep this bulshit up? I mean really. Women really dont need to be having 16 babies. Women dont need to have babies at all. And they shouldnt.

   Anyway, other than that today was acceptable. Except Nicole and I are missing The Shins tonight. Goddamn our lives.
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